Squirrel Attacks!

Well i'm not surprised about the attack but i am a little shocked it happened so quickly after my blog warning people about these pesky animals.

The Metro newspaper reported that a 75 year-old trying to rescue a red squirrel was "savaged" by the animal and needed hospital treatment after the crafty thing turned on him... not the thanks he was expecting!

Mr Gordon said: "You cannot believe the strength or pressure a little squirrel has in its jaw."

 

SQUIRRELS

I have a severe fear  of these creatures. It began at a young age, after feeding one a cartoony biscuit it got a bit carried away and attempted to have my finger off. 

The terror continued with reoccurring nightmares of these pesky creatures hunting in packs...mostly brought on by Jurassic Park at age 10.

My fear reached breaking point a year ago whilst enjoying a kitkat, i was, what can only be described as molested by said grey rat-a-like. Not only did it saunter off with my kitkat but with any control i had left of my phobia. 

I have since missed trains, because one was guarding the platform (they smell the fear) slept in sweltering heat not being able to open my window (they are crafty). Most embarrassing was on a second date, a lovely day of pitch and put and a nice stroll through the wood...I tried to keep my cool as i spotted the conniving creature lurking in the grass, it all got to much, the conversation stopped and I had a very bewildered date watch me climb playground railings gesturing  wildly at an equally bemused squirrel. Luckily this fear won me something, my boyfriend who finds this kind of looney tune behavior "endearing".

THE GODDESS GUIDE

Is in fact my new favourite thing.

A book by Gisele Scanlon, is not only an encyclopedia of fashion news, hints, interviews, guides but it has one of the most beautiful covers ever.

The Goddess Guide is the most brilliant book i have ever laid my hands on and i will continue to rave about it throughout this blog.

Today i'm reading the section on how to buy a good handbag, not only does it give the history of every "it" bag from Chanel 2.55 to Hermes Birkin bags it illustr

ates it beautifully  whilst giving practical advise about almost every situation and weather climate that could hinder your bag choice. Genius, sheer genius.

MTV AWARDS

Well, I went and the only way to describe it was "surreal".

The beginning of my MTV EMA Awards journey started after a brief but screaming call from a friend. 

She demanded I go for the auditions being held at the Liverpool Echo arena, seeing as I was still in my Pj's and had under an hour to get there the stress began. Note to all - Do not call a cab when still in a state of undress!

I arrived and joined the queue of terrified people being given a number to await my turn. I went into a room of MTV people who then demanded that i make a complete fool of myself for their amusement, it involved screaming and dancing like your life depended on it. I developed a whole new dance move for this section, it was a cross between John Travolta and a Womble on speed! Myself and the other hopefuls then had to go into a holding bay while they (the officials) deliberated our fate, it felt like the XFactor auditions! Luckily, they loved the Womble dance and i was given my free ticket to the event, with one condition...i had to go to the pre-recorded Europe selections.

The next day i spent five hours clapping much like a seal, whilst doing the Womble to Turkish, Hungarian and German acts. (It's a versatile dance that fits all) I personally think after the torture of listening to the same Turkish act five times and feigning a look of enjoyment and continued enthusiasm for all meant i'd more than paid for my place in Thursdays main event.

Thursday came and other than another outfit dilemma (sorted by LBD and beautiful office shoes that look remarkably like Channel numbers) i was out the door into my cab. It was an amazing show with a crazy line up, my life long dream happened when i was so close to the stage i managed to scream, "MAAAARRRRK" with urgency usually saved for emergency situations. It worked though as a managed to touch and speak to (grunt at) the whole of Take That. Not my coolest of moments but definitely the best. 

Not much gossip or drama to report apart from the devastating fact that the camera must add more than the alleged 10 pounds. I'd always been a believer that Beyonce was on the healthy (chunky) side of celebrity frames, that was until she walked past me and was the same size as my thigh. I have now come up with the theory that Vanessa Feltz is actually a svelte size 10 and it's the cameras fault the poor women bares more than a passing resemblance to Miss Piggy.

Hopefully the womble on a daily basis will protect me from a similar fate.