MTV AWARDS

Well, I went and the only way to describe it was "surreal".

The beginning of my MTV EMA Awards journey started after a brief but screaming call from a friend. 

She demanded I go for the auditions being held at the Liverpool Echo arena, seeing as I was still in my Pj's and had under an hour to get there the stress began. Note to all - Do not call a cab when still in a state of undress!

I arrived and joined the queue of terrified people being given a number to await my turn. I went into a room of MTV people who then demanded that i make a complete fool of myself for their amusement, it involved screaming and dancing like your life depended on it. I developed a whole new dance move for this section, it was a cross between John Travolta and a Womble on speed! Myself and the other hopefuls then had to go into a holding bay while they (the officials) deliberated our fate, it felt like the XFactor auditions! Luckily, they loved the Womble dance and i was given my free ticket to the event, with one condition...i had to go to the pre-recorded Europe selections.

The next day i spent five hours clapping much like a seal, whilst doing the Womble to Turkish, Hungarian and German acts. (It's a versatile dance that fits all) I personally think after the torture of listening to the same Turkish act five times and feigning a look of enjoyment and continued enthusiasm for all meant i'd more than paid for my place in Thursdays main event.

Thursday came and other than another outfit dilemma (sorted by LBD and beautiful office shoes that look remarkably like Channel numbers) i was out the door into my cab. It was an amazing show with a crazy line up, my life long dream happened when i was so close to the stage i managed to scream, "MAAAARRRRK" with urgency usually saved for emergency situations. It worked though as a managed to touch and speak to (grunt at) the whole of Take That. Not my coolest of moments but definitely the best. 

Not much gossip or drama to report apart from the devastating fact that the camera must add more than the alleged 10 pounds. I'd always been a believer that Beyonce was on the healthy (chunky) side of celebrity frames, that was until she walked past me and was the same size as my thigh. I have now come up with the theory that Vanessa Feltz is actually a svelte size 10 and it's the cameras fault the poor women bares more than a passing resemblance to Miss Piggy.

Hopefully the womble on a daily basis will protect me from a similar fate.